So long din update here and I mean very long. Lazy to update actually…XP… Just wanna say I’m still alive and still here not dead. Hahaha… Still crazy with my dolls thing and my assignment of course. I ain’t that lazy am i? Yesh I am… I really am. Hahahaha… Ok I guess that’s all… tata!
I really sad about this after hearing the news from doctor about my
grandma. Doctor say she only have 6 months left and her sickness pretty
serious. Even though she looks healthy outside but her internal stomach
already infected by cancer. If do operation, she can have an easy life
to go in peace but if none operation gonna done, she gonna suffer till
she close her eyes within few months only. Mum and other relatives
already discuss to let her have a peace life before she go so she won’t
suffer to dead. All my frens told me be brave and stand tough. even
though I know God wanna take her away to reunion with my grandpa, but I
miss her. She’s the only grandma I had in my whole life and the one who
look after me since baby.
Grandma love us alot and we love her
alot. Even yeah, sometimes I being naughty and disobey her words but I
just wann a play with her. She used to scold me and nag me always when
I was a child till now, but I never felt annoying or what. I felt I’m
so lucky to have a grandma to nag me and advice me all the time. God
love her and let her stay here with us for so many years and now I know
is time for her to go. Even though 6 months, but time flies fast so we
can’t change anything. But this year my birthday is gonna be the worst
birthday I ever had and the most saddess. Mum told me not to think of
it as she might survive longer and I believe that. My grandma is tough
enough to kill a tiger so she won’t be that weak.
Just pray for her and let her have more time to spend with us happily.
Nyahaha…. finally I update my blog here… So many months I totally din touch this blog and forgot about it. Well nothing much about me now as I’m still alive here. College, well still the same, but in different area. Taught change college can change the burden of assignment. WTHeck still the same and even much more. Kinda feeling regret about it…=.=!!!
Some pics here taken by me…XDD
Nice mar? haha.. Ok that’s all lar…
I really out of my mind! After leaving TOA, I seems to be more lazy then the past time! I very very lazy and tired! I can say even my final assignment about the ID thing, I din finish completely! Means, the day of today 29/9/2005 suppose to hand up the final sketches, but unfortunately, my laziness has defeated my hardworking nerves! End up, I din finish up all sketches and hand up so called blank thing there! Well, actually no class just a hand up work day cause I’m having holiday now…^^; but…bu bu but but… I din finish all. FAILING is the thing appear in my mind now! I am lazy, and I am a looser! I feel why I cant like others! Once I plan my time…like…ok..today I gotta finish this or that…but it doesn’t work on me! Cause my laziness has cover my heart and my brain! After leaving TOA, I found out I got no mood in other thing even though I wish to learn new things and thenew subject actually very interesting to me! But…I can’t do it nor dun wan to disappointed my parent any more!
Yet, I dun wish my classmate think I’m those irresponsible person! I dun wish to give them a bad impression! So I dun dare to mention anything! Once beaten twice shy, after cause the trouble to my fren in my past college and end up I screw the whole thing and just leave the place! I feel myself is a coward and I’m not brave nor hardworking! Nor I’m not creative nor clever! I’m nothing but just a rubbish. Now I know, I din hand up this assignment completely, I will got a very very very low marks… but to hpe the my modelling, I hope I can build it nicely! And hope there I can gain more marks in but…can i? The question is can I? I know I got lotsa ppl support me…but I am disappointing them. To me last time in TOA, watever I dun care if I just hand up a little work. As long as I hand up some work to them only! But now…the pressure is, I come to this new area but without any ppl can support me but I just feel fear flow into my body! I can hear my fear talking to me! I hear and I see flash back about the past. That what I’ve did to my past!~sound like killing but NOT! I just can hear my fear that how frens would be when I din do my homework…what they will say about me! How they look on me!…I’m scare…I really am…
I really out of my mind,…I start to think negetive side…Loner always be lonely!
well…haha…i’m dead…my exam..oh noo… no used…looser me…TT_____TT
done horriblely and I ready to get shoot by machine gun from my parents. OMG…>P
new photo upload in my album and my dear dog currently dunno what happen to her…she seems like got asthma…always makes alot of noise while breathing…I scare she got problem…TT________________________TT…huhuh…
sigh…soon end of term and new term coming up. I’m really scare and unprepared! *panic*
Marble new cloths on….so cute…haha…
I bought her with the style of 70’s…haha but i love the background color..hahhaa…so soft..haha…
wat a beautiful sky…looks like cotton bud..haha..so cute…haha..
i took it in the evening…haha…
haha….thats not my house…but my neighbour only…same design with my house of course..haha…
well…i think i gotta stop here…huahaha….
GOD BLESS US!
The End!
::3/9/2005::
::Saturday::
omg….exam next week…i’m so nervous and un prepared! Darn…TT____________TT…..*cry*…..all there I can see and know is a word called "HARD" omg…*scream & scratch*….=.=lll*swt* ohh nooooo…O_o!!!!
Being crazy now…wat to do and how to do? Those question is killing me…is not just question and answer…but… draw! omg…is theory! ALL THEORY! Darn…
*Bang head towards the wall*……..speechless and wordless…. can’t think anything…oh nooo…..
oh..forgot…i’ve been updated my website and my DA=Deviant Art….Feel free..go and give some comment and kick some butt…hahaha…><!!!
Now…I’m so scare! Scare is the word I can say….Horror is the thing I fear off now… Speechless is the only thing I can say causeI dunno wat to say…so end here…Wish me luck!…TT_______________TT….
THE END!
http://www.freewebs.com/saintaya/carmen.html
&
::22/8/2005::
::Monday::
What I call a day…man..today is my last day of holiday, well means tomolo i’m having class. Oh no…with those school days moslty is fun but…arrgghhhh…can’t play already! But Ive been lazy for some time..not some time is quite all time…haha… now need to buck up everything back even though yeah, tomolo is class..so…haha…I love do last minutes stuff! Never change, what a bad habit! ><!!! Well today, I capture some pictures of my place here where the different time of different patern that clouds can make in a same day!
::afternoon::~1p.m
~bunch of clouds in the sky..so beautiful…
::afternoon::~3p.m
~some clouds gone..but still very pretty!
::evening::~5p.m
~where the clouds start to disappear!
Sky can be like human too…they can change anytime anywhere. Well…wondering why suddenly I say something like that rite?…No big deal..just for fun! haha..^___^!!!
XD…haha…Well, enjoy ur day before it change, that’s what I wanna tell out!
THE END!
::20/8/2005::
:Saturday::~8:38p.m
Well…today, is kinda a boring day to me but a good experience to take care of my nephew. Haha…XD, I molested him..haha..kidding, I just help him to take bath and feed him and put him to sleep only. Dun think others he just 1 year + ONLY~A baby! And just now do some shooting, photo shootig to my dog. She’s my model! A dog model, where, my beloved Marble decorated with some hair clips, and with cloths on!
~ 2 pin on her fur, not hair..haha…XD
*poor thing to her been tortured by me.
Well…look so innocent actually. she grew up alot and gain weight too. Not as skinny as past!
~with cloths on..and her nice post! =.=!!! swt! But still great looking dog! XD
Wow…today, she really enjoy her day as my sister and brother~well…not same mom but same dad actually! they pay a vosit to our house along her frens. So a bunch of kids playing with her and she is so excited about it and now, kinda crazy over it!
Raining today, they color of the sky here after rain so beautiful! Its actually in purple pink! What all this crap here….=.=*swt*!!! Well…is all about today…so..
THE END!
::20/8/2005::
::Saturday::
Well…so fast 3 weeks past! Seems just few days only but, my holiday seems over soon. Next week is my college start once again…O_o!!! OMG…assignment still not done yet,…TT___TT wondering how I plan my day when having holiday? =.=!!!swt!!!
I only know, my assignment seems like din touch b4 or may be shall I say, it full with dust on it! XD..hahaha…I guess I need to do it b4 I get kill by my lecturers! Let me count see got how many more to go…*silent for a moment*~counting~..O_o…ooppsss…well…I…I…I…I…think I’m sure dead! =.=…*sigh*…wat to do..just surrender my body for punishment! XP!
Holiday for so long, I do did something…haha..I mean assignment…got…rather than that, I snap alot of picture about the hazy thing time and my little baby nephew photo an my pets! hahaha…
~ A picture of behind my house, the CLub House!
shoot it when wanna rain time. izzit pretty thse cloud?
~well..this photo taken in my brother’s room! XD
Kinda bored that time! haha…ne way… I gotta stop my crap here b4 I flooded the whole area! hahaha!
*Do free browse to my site see my release flash, where actually done long time ago in college!*
http://www.freewebs.com/saintaya/carmen.html
THANK U
::18/8/2005::
::Thursday::
Today is my first day to post something in this blog which i’ve been created it for so long… Well..nothing to do..just feel so bored…then write something or crap something here…
Well… not much things happen to me today, cause today is the day of "Hungry Ghost Festival" well..not a big deal to me cause my parent’s don’t do prayer but they do believe. So, not really permited to go out, but unforbutely, I wet out with my brother and cam e home around 12a.m. Mum seems kinda upset but, she’s fine now, cause hse just worried us only! XD…
Anyway, I’m home now…save and nice and peace! But kinda bored! Neh..end of story here!
~written on Friday, 19/8/2005…^_^
