~SaintAya~

I really out of my mind! After leaving TOA, I seems to be more lazy then the past time! I very very lazy and tired! I can say even my final assignment about the ID thing, I din finish completely! Means, the day of today 29/9/2005 suppose to hand up the final sketches, but unfortunately, my laziness has defeated my hardworking nerves! End up, I din finish up all sketches and hand up so called blank thing there! Well, actually no class just a hand up work day cause I’m having holiday now…^^; but…bu bu but but… I din finish all. FAILING is the thing appear in my mind now! I am lazy, and I am a looser! I feel why I cant like others! Once I plan my time…like…ok..today I gotta finish this or that…but it doesn’t work on me! Cause my laziness has cover my heart and my brain! After leaving TOA, I found out I got no mood in other thing even though I wish to learn new things and thenew subject actually very interesting to me! But…I can’t do it nor dun wan to disappointed my parent any more!

Yet, I dun wish my classmate think I’m those irresponsible person! I dun wish to give them a bad impression! So I dun dare to mention anything! Once beaten twice shy, after cause the trouble to my fren in my past college and end up I screw the whole thing and just leave the place! I feel myself is a coward and I’m not brave nor hardworking! Nor I’m not creative nor clever! I’m nothing but just a rubbish. Now I know, I din hand up this assignment completely, I will got a very very very low marks… but to hpe the my modelling, I hope I can build it nicely! And hope there I can gain more marks in but…can i? The question is can I? I know I got lotsa ppl support me…but I am disappointing them. To me last time in TOA, watever I dun care if I just hand up a little work. As long as I hand up some work to them only! But now…the pressure is, I come to this new area but without any ppl can support me but I just feel fear flow into my body! I can hear my fear talking to me! I hear and I see flash back about the past. That what I’ve did to my past!~sound like killing but NOT! I just can hear my fear that how frens would be when I din do my homework…what they will say about me! How they look on me!…I’m scare…I really am…

I really out of my mind,…I start to think negetive side…Loner always be lonely!

well…haha…i’m dead…my exam..oh noo… no used…looser me…TT_____TT

done horriblely and I ready to get shoot by machine gun from my parents. OMG…>P

new photo upload in my album and my dear dog currently dunno what happen to her…she seems like got asthma…always makes alot of noise while breathing…I scare she got problem…TT________________________TT…huhuh…

sigh…soon end of term and new term coming up. I’m really scare and unprepared! *panic*

Marble new cloths on….so cute…haha…

I bought her with the style of 70’s…haha but i love the background color..hahhaa…so soft..haha…

wat a beautiful sky…looks like cotton bud..haha..so cute…haha..

i took it in the evening…haha…

haha….thats not my house…but my neighbour only…same design with my house of course..haha…

well…i think i gotta stop here…huahaha….

GOD BLESS US!

The End!

::3/9/2005::

::Saturday::

omg….exam next week…i’m so nervous and un prepared! Darn…TT____________TT…..*cry*…..all there I can see and know is a word called "HARD" omg…*scream & scratch*….=.=lll*swt* ohh nooooo…O_o!!!!

Being crazy now…wat to do and how to do? Those question is killing me…is not just question and answer…but… draw! omg…is theory! ALL THEORY! Darn…

*Bang head towards the wall*……..speechless and wordless…. can’t think anything…oh nooo…..

oh..forgot…i’ve been updated my website and my DA=Deviant Art….Feel free..go and give some comment and kick some butt…hahaha…><!!!

Now…I’m so scare! Scare is the word I can say….Horror is the thing I fear off now… Speechless is the only thing I can say causeI dunno wat to say…so end here…Wish me luck!…TT_______________TT….

THE END!

http://www.freewebs.com/saintaya/carmen.html

&

http://wawa-station.deviantart.com/